Knoll, Breyanna

 Breyanna Leigh Knoll (nee Reitmeyer), 22, Indianapolis, passed away on, April 14, 2010 due to Restless Applicant Syndrome (RAS). It was a long fought illness that she lived with for nearly a year, from the time she sent in her Peace Corps application until today when she passed frustratedly at work.

Knoll was born in Vincennes, Indiana on June 5, 1987, to Phillip and LaNnedda Reitmeyer. She was a graduate of Central High School and graduated from the University of Evansville with a Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree in creative writing. Although her major in college was fun but completely devoid of career prospects, she went on to complete graduate courses and volunteer work in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages.

She is survived by her grandparents, who warned her of impending death due to the Peace Corps, her parents, her brother, her pets Emo and Sammy, and her husband, Timothy Knoll. Timothy also suffers from RAS, although his diagnosis is much less severe and doctors have declared he will survive only because of his enormous amount of patience, the only known antidote to RAS. They believe his ability to take life’s unpredictability as it comes is directly related to his time spent with four siblings.

Their pets are tentatively diagnosed with RAS, as they know something is happening but are unsure of what to expect. However, the only known animal symptoms of RAS are extremely weird behavior such as peeing when petted, literally biting the hand that feeds you, and identity confusion. They have been doing those things their entire lives, so it is impossible to tell whether or not they are true carriers of the disease.

There will be no visitation because of the extreme gruesomeness of her death. Coworkers surrounding her desk say her last words were “If someone asks me where I’m going one more time, I think my head’s going to explode!” Someone did, and it did. Her body will be transported to Africa for burial. However, it is yet to be determined what country she will be buried in, and family members have only decided the funeral will occur sometime in August.

Advertisements

Author: Bre

I am in motion and in transition right now. I married Tim Knoll less than a year ago, and we recently applied to The Peace Corps. I work as a freelance journalist.

9 thoughts on “Knoll, Breyanna”

  1. Very funny. It did give me a start at the beginning. I thought maybe someone with your name did die in Indianapolis and it was just too freaky. yeah. I’m kinda slow.
    You need a new focus and hopefully Thailand (if it’s safe) will redirect your itching-to-go-far-away-spot for now. I do want to plan a camping trip and invite anyone who’s available maybe in June. Interested?
    Hope your symptoms get better soon!
    ~Susie

  2. HAHAHAHA! I love this! 🙂
    I love seeing my coined term spreading throughout the applicant blogosphere!
    Very cute. I think my dogs are carriers of RAS too! lol

  3. OK……read it again to Tom and second time around was even funnier. This is really cute. So well written! Sorry that the content is so sad, but you certainly made it funny. Thanks for the laugh! (Again)

    1. Thanks Susie. It was really fun to write. It’s like I’m allowed to obsess about it, but it’s cathartic. So it’s for a good cause. And it just feels good to be creative.

    1. An RAS PSA would definitely have the phrase “The more you know.” But, it would be something like … “The more you know about your status, the better your symptoms get.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s